Rise & Shine time, what’s the first thing I eat?
 I get a Quesadilla from a place up the street

 Dinner for breakfast, breakfast for dinner, Dinner for breakfast, breakfast for dinner For lunch I’ll eat whatever’s put in front of me

 I feel my tummy goin’ rumble when the sun goes down
 Gimme two eggs, scrambled, bacon, toast and hash browns 

 Breakfast for dinner, dinner for breakfast Breakfast for dinner, dinner for breakfast For lunch I’ll have some Cheetoes I found behind my seat

 And I’ll have ketchup for dessert Nobody’s gonna take it from me Just bite the packet til it squirts Or mustard or relish my favorite flavor is free Next morning when the alarm bell rings
 It’s a half slab of ribs and ten buffalo wings Dinner for breakfast, breakfast for dinner Dinner for breakfast, breakfast for dinner Brunch is eating popcorn, the car wash has some for me

 I take a girl out for a fancy dinner date
 She falls in love with me and the pancakes on my plate

 Breakfast for dinner, dinner for breakfast Breakfast for dinner, dinner for breakfast Tater tots or french fries, I’d like a bucket of them please Breakfast for dinner, dinner for breakfast Breakfast for dinner, dinner for breakfast Put a burger in a donut then call the hospital for me

When the autumn leaves start falling
 The Pumpkin patch starts calling
 All the ghosts and skeletons start to creak and moan
 They hear the distant devil drums
 Trumpets blow and angel thrums
 They’ll gather for a party from beneath a cold head stone

 I’m still among the breathing folk
 But fore I go, and drop and croak
 I’m shining up my dancin’ shoes and learning how to shake
 I want to learn to cut some rugs
 Before my guts are filled with bugs
 I’ll be dancing in the graveyard when the spirits do awake!
 I'm learning how to dance for when I’m dead
 I'm learning how to dance for when I’m dead We’ll bounce and spin in the moon glow
 My smile’s still bright it’s quite the show
 I'm learning how to dance for when I’m dead
 The grinning skulls will drop their jaw
 Vampire crew will be in awe
 Ghouls will pop their eyes out give them to some witches
 We all will laugh and howl and play
 As we rock to the macabre
 Black cats do a caterwaul Zombies will be in stitches
 All things shall pass this is our fate So I’ll pop & lock, it’s not to late!
 From cranium to phalanges they’ll all be in the groove
 We’ll bop and slam and jump and swing
 Till the cockerel crows or some such thing Right now I am still practicing and I hope to improve I'm learning how to dance for when I’m dead
 I'm learning how to dance for when I’m dead We’ll bounce and spin in the moon glow
 My smile’s still bright it’s quite the show
 I'm learning how to dance for when I’m dead


When my friends and I get thirsty there’s only one thing to do
 We mix some drinks together and then try not to spew Be we at home or on the town
 Who knows if we will keep it down The others seem to gather round We call it making potions It’s not all gross and horrible sometimes it can be nice 
 On a hot day mixing flavors that we pour over ice
 Sugary sweet it quenches thirst
 Our tummies fill enough to burst
 The belches we produce are worse
 We call it making Potions! Potions! Put one drink into the other
 Potions! Potions! Our friends think we’re dumb
 Get orange juice and ginger ale One part milk, not skim but whole

(you said butthole) Mix them together, watch it curdle

 Then pour it down your talking hole Cola, wine and gatorade What we do is a crime of food 7Up & Pickle Juice is really not so bad We don’t mess anything you wouldn’t already drink We stay away from most shampoos and the stuff under the sink We don’t want to die

 We just wanna try

 To mix Red Bull with pumpkin pie

 We call it making potions Potions! Potions! Each worse than the other Potions! Potions! We’re going to make a mess



 Tomorrow we'll feel horrible How could it be foreseen?
 I left the glasses in the sink that your mom gets to clean It’s grody and we love our friends
 Soon enough our guts will mend
 We’ll laugh and do it all again We call it making potions Potions! Potions! Flavor innovations

 Potions! Potions! Don’t steal our recipes

Hey Scrunglebutt Hey Goofaroo
 You’re doing great I’m proud of you
 This big old world has a lot to see What I’d love is if you’ll share some time with me
 
Got ten fingers I only need a few strings
 Wiggle both around and you learn some things Before you play well you’re gonna sound really awful
 Gonna make a lot more noise than what is lawful
 Gotta fall in love with everything you create
 Gonna put the work in gonna stay up real late
 What’s done is done, now make something new
 Wash, rinse, repeat, see what follows true
 Sometimes things are going to knock you low Ignore the doubters they’re gonna be eating crow Now help them up and never get too proud They’ll join in and things will get real loud This piano is lousy this uke is cheap
 Write fantastic dumb tunes while they’re all asleep
 Make art make stories make jokes make a song
 Don’t you ever worry if some of the notes are wrong

The legend I sang previous, the ancient tale you know About the how and whereabout I found my dear chapeau It turns out was all hokum the truth can now be shared This cap is filled with monsters and no one will be spared (chorus) My hat it has a dragon’s foot, observe the sharpened claws Owning one is enough to produce probable cause I did not kill that dragon, though, that deed I cannot claim It knew it’d never look this good, and so it died of shame (chorus) By hook & horn, by tooth and nail, it’s grown some adoration It’s also grown a blinking eye of abnormal mutation Leather from an Eldrich God before the age of man They have knock-offs at TJ Maxx, available in tan (chorus) This hat it holds an ancient curse but I read of another That one was knit from yeti hair and made by my grandmother It brings with it a torment of secrets buried deep I didn’t bring it with me though, I just wear it when I sleep (chorus) Wizards tried to claim this cap that sits upon my head Many heroes have tried it and all who have are dead The cursed items are sew on, the inside’s lined with twill If the black magic don’t get you, then the head lice will

I’ll sing ye a tale of a pirating crew
 I swear on me life that this story be true
 Not clipper or frigate or schooner or junk
 The boat was a dingy, it ne’er could be sunk

 What strikes terror and fear in the heart of a sailor?
 What makes a damp rag of an ol’ seasoned whaler?
 What makes a man wish he’d been eaten by squids?
 The boat full of pirates who are Four year old kids

 

 Most fearsome of all was a captain so cruel
 She didn’t want money, gold, silver, or jewels
 Only one thing could quell ye from gruesome attacks
 You’d hear from the Ocean “SNACKS! WE WANT SNACKS!”

 Just candy and chips, perhaps a graham cracker
 Is all that the treasure these terrors were after
 If you gave them the wrong kind, your fate it would seal
 They’d throw anything that resembled a meal


 The captain said nothing, she’d point, and she’d cry Then thousands of raisins would drop from the sky
 All Heck would break loose with a thunderous clap
 And after the carnage, it’s time for a nap I sing this song of Honor & Glory Avast! It’s the Dread Ship Montessori It’s been almost a month since their ship has been seen
 The weather goes dark the sky turns to green
 Avast ye swabs, prepare to surrender
 They all want fruit snacks and some chicken tenders Marooning’s a blessing! Keel Haulin’s a breeze
 Compared to the chaos they bring to the seas
 Tie me to the anchor and let it unspool
 God help all creation once they reach Middle school I sing this song of Honor & Glory Avast! It’s the Dread Ship Montessori

Werewolves and Goblins, cockroaches and snakes
 Oozing skulls, spiders, debt and ear aches! I’m scared of tigers, I’m scared of heights
 I’m scared of how I feel I late at nights
 I’m scared of oh so many things
 Like big rocks dropped from above
 But the scariest thing in life
 Is letting yourself fall in love There’s a wall made of fire ants that insult as they bite
 I’d knock it all down if we could hold hands tonite I’d face skunks in great number I’d fight apes made of goo
 I’d walk on hot pans, I’d do all just for you I’m so scared of all that I listed
 Please don’t make me face any of those
 I’ll settle for passive aggression
 When I forget to fold up my clothes
 You make me feel brave and safe and secure
 But there’s still so much that we’ll have to endure

 We’ll get old together We’ll decide what to eat
 We’ll do dishes and laundry and on on repeat

 You make every day feel less awful
 I can ignore the crying of doves
 The scariest things I’ll face them with you
 And I’ll give to you all of my love I’m scared of oh so many things
 Like big rocks dropped from above
 But the scariest thing in life
 Is letting yourself fall in love

Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth
 Then snarl your upper lip
 Take a deep breath in through your nose
 And let out short bursts of air with a blip
 Or push out your tongue, stick your bottom lip out
 And go plplplplpllplplplplplpppp

 The noise that you’ve made makes us happy
 When coming from parts of your face
 They remind us of those unpleasant ones
 That dwell from the opposite place


 It’s ill mannered, upsetting and shocking
 But our bodies are perfectly fine
 They help us alleviate stress and frustration
 And save you from having a horrible Tiiiiiime

 When your girlfriend is cranky Go plplpl plplplp plplp plplplplplp
 When you boss says you’re lazy Go
plplplpl plplpl plplplplplp plplplppp
 When your therapist says you lack maturity
 Go Plplplplpl and plplplplp plplplplplpppp

 Division among us is already starting
 Those who do and do not enjoy noises of farting
 While both really enjoy there are some who’ll admit
 It’s funny to hear what could be a shhhh


 Shame if think that the chorus was end It
bears some repeating so raspberry rend it
 Our bodies are healthy when we give a toot
 Let’s show all them fuddy-duddies the boot


 When the cop says you’re speeding Go
pplplplplplplplpp plplplp plplplplp
 In a library reading Go plppllplllpl plplplp lplplppplplp
 When HR calls you in for your yearly review
 Go Pllplplppp plplplpl plplplpp plplplpl ppppplplplpp When your landlord wants money Go plplplplplplppp When the song isn't funny Go Plplplplplpllpl To the people who want to skip this track Go plplplplplplpp

I found two shiny dimes, bobby pins, and a lego brick, there were keys to a place that I used to rent in school, a half roll of mints that were still pretty good, six movie ticket stubs and my favorite kind of pen. I found a fancy signet ring that once belonged to Cleopatra, the power of attorney to a barber in Japan, a plate for only hot dogs, an autograph of Charro, five dollars Canadian, and a bust of ol' Chopin. I found a broken Pez dispenser, different colored marbles, a laser pointer that just needed fresh batteries, a magnet shaped like Florida with an alligator on it, four bulbs of garlic, and a brand new mandolin. I found a jar of pickled radishes, you know I don't like radishes, there was a hologram projector, and a bottle of champagne, a green octopus plushie, and a coupon for sauna, three Sasquatch toes, and a picture of a moose. These are the things I found in my belly button this morning.