Troll The Ancient Yuletide Carols v. 3

by Hob The Troll

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1.	Drinking With Some Elves 04:21	lyrics	buy track
Sweet smells of fancy cocoa  Drives me and my friends loco  Thoughts in my head of gingerbread  I’m drinking with some elves   When you’re dazzled by the lights  On a not so silent night  You see ‘em around the north side of town  I’m drinking with some elves   Drinking with some Elves  Drinking with some Elves  They sip their eggnog neat from a booster seat  I’m drinking with some Elves   Making toys for all over the world For good boys, nbs, and girls Santa gets the cred so they party instead  Find me drinking with some elves   So let’s take another nip  From this flask that’s at my hip  They build stuff for you they deserve a brew  I’ll be drinking with some elves   Drinking with some Elves  Drinking with some Elves  They’re doing Yeager shots then building toys for tots  I’m drinking with some Elves Making Toys all for all over the world For good boys, NBs and girls Leave the cookies for Claus cus we’re gonna get sauced See I’m drinking with some Elves So let’s cheer to another yule  Then pour back a Moscow mule  They’re wearing curly shoes, pouring down the booze  I’m drinking with some elves Drinking with some Elves  Drinking with some Elves  Have a mai tai or three under the Christmas tree  I’m drinking with some Elves
2.	Fröštïë (Awful Version) 03:22	lyrics	buy track
Fröštïë the Snowman was a ice wraith with no soul  With a gaping maw and carrot nose  And two eyes as black as coal   Fröštïë the Snowman, is what all men must fear  A boneless beast born to only feast and the children called him here   There must have been some horror in the top hat that they found  For when it took on it’s true form hell froze up through the ground Oh   Fröštïë the Snowman in defiance of God’s will  And the children say he could laugh and play  and no mortal man can kill Crunchety Crunch Crunch (x2) Arterial spray on snow  “Crunchety Crunch Crunch” (x2) The last sounds that you’ll know     Fröštïë the Snowman filled each winter night with dread  As hours grows long, children sang his song  and forsook their prayers instead.   Down in the village they lit fire to all they saw  In a blinding roar, burning every door  and proclaimed it martial law   He lead the children to the place the sacred fire was lit  A holy man condemned them, and off his head was bit   Chompety Chomp Chomp (x2) Look at Frosty eat  Chompety Chomp Chomp (x2) A snowman full of meat   Fröštïë the Snowman had to hurry on his way But he waved goodbye, and let out a cry that still haunts me to this day.
3.	I Ate Three Sheets Of Gingerbread 02:10	lyrics	buy track
1 I ate three sheets of gingerbread At the display at the display  I ate three sheets of gingerbread  at the display at the Costco  2 And what else did I snack upon  At the display at the display  And what else did I snack upon  At the display at the Costco  3 Two dozen samples of eclairs  At the display at the display  Two dozen samples of eclairs  At the display at the Costco  4 Then cheese and crackers I did eat  At the display at the display Then cheese and crackers I did eat At the display at the Costco  5 The sad teen working glared in rage  At the display at the display The sad teen working glared in rage At the display at the Costco  6 An older lady swore at me At the display at the display An older lady swore at me At the display at the Costco  7 The ma nagement asked me to leave  At the display at the display  The management asked me to leave At the display at the Costco 8 I stuffed my mouth and ran away From the display from the display I stuffed my mouth and ran away From the display at the Costco 9 Next week I’ll do it all again At the display at the display Their turnover is very high At the displays at the Costco
4.	Santa's Beard 01:54	info	buy track
5.	Christmas Crabs 02:20	lyrics	buy track
How’d ya like to watch red crabs cross Christmas Island  How’d ya like to catch a sight of them emerging from the sea? How’d ya like to watch red crabs cross Christmas Island? How’d ya like to see a coconut crab in a coconut tree? Check out those the crustaceans as they migrate along  Hear their claws as they scratch, scuttle and pinch As they sing out their song? They number in the millions on Christmas Island They can live on land or water but this island is where they belong We number in the millions on Christmas Island We can live on land or water but this island is where we belong How’d ya like to watch a coconut crab  crush a bone like a twig  They can weigh up to nine pounds, and eat a whole pig If you ever watch crabs spawn on Christmas Island  You will never stay there anymore  Because coconut crabs are big
6.	Ho! Ho! Ho! (Who'd Be A Turkey At Christmas?) 04:37	info	buy track

about

Thank you to all my wonderful friends, new and old.

The holidays can be really weird for people, and there's a lot of really awful music, so I might as well put out some other stuff that's awful in a way that I enjoy. I hope you will too. I hope you share this album and that you all have a good laugh, and know that just because something is loud and silly doesn't mean it's not from the heart.

Be safe and kind!

credits

released December 2, 2022

Recorded in November 2022.

Music recorded and mixed by Hob the Troll

Hob the Troll sang, played Guitar, Bass, Banjo, Synth, Toy Piano, Ukuleles, Slide Guitar, and programmed all the drums.